I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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