I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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