Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
