Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
