Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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