She just used a chaser for red wine.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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