P.S. I can't hear my feet
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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