i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
