I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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