it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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