I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
