dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
