I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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