vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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