I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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