fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
