why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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