I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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