Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
