Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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