My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
