"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
