mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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