There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
