how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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