I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
