normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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