I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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