im six kinds of drunk right now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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