I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
