Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
