Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
