yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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