Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
