As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
