She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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