hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
