Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
