i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
