Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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