i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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