She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
wow bdsm is so cute
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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