Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
