my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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