to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
