at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
