I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you would pick up someone in the library
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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