i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
