the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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