i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
