i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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