he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
