ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize