I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
