You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
