Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
