dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize