Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
