I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
