So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Randomize
